Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Playlist #24



Pastikan nangis yang paling kuat semalam berganti dengan senyum yang paling lebar esok.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

Thank you stranger.

Dalam salah satu chapter 7 tahun 7 hari, aku kongsi dimana sebuah buku telah mengubah hidup aku 360 darjah. Di mana penulisnya tidak begitu popular tetapi memberi kesan pada aku yang bukan jenis membaca. While, the author on the other side of the world - may not realised or have no fucking idea that her writings had changed someone's fate and life journey. 

That is one of my mission in writing. 

So yesterday, as I was busy handling dunia 'korporat dan materialistik', I received an email from a stranger (which I usually read and just keep it in the inbox instead of sharing or reply. I have my own reason for that. Aku malas share puji-pujian sebab orang akan rasa aku bragging) And this time, I would love to share sebab aku rasa misi kecil aku tercapai. Dan the  real satisfaction came when; people think you're an inspiration but somehow it recycles - that we actually inspire each others. Aku baca dan rasa calm. Suami baca dan mengalir air mata. Over betul.

***



Hi Awin,

I've read your book, "7 tahun 7 hari" and the book really change me and I never thought that I can be this strong after reading your book.

I've been reading your blog since years ago, since zaman kejatuhan awin. I love your words, I love the way you express your anger through words but somehow I couldn't understand kenapa sebab cinta, kenapa sebab lelaki sesetengah perempuan pilih untuk jahanamkan hidup. Mungkin zaman tu saya naif tentang cinta.

Until the end of 2012 when I found a guy that has opened my heart. I started to know him since Mar '12. There's something inside him that makes me want to be with him and it's not gonna happen because he has a girlfriend. I know its wrong tapi cinta itu kan pelik. I can't deny my feeling, I can't say no to him. We were in our own world, even though we both know that we can't be together. He's not like the other guys yang mulut manis suka main kayu tiga. I don't know how to describe, but his personality has won my heart. We never treat each other like a girlfriend, boyfriend but his action towards me, the way he cares about me are enough to win my heart.

I lost my mom this year due to cancer and he's the one who always be by my side along my recovery period. Gosh, how can I not to love him? He's there, he's always there. He told me that he loves me but he's attached to something that is called commitment. Our relationship is really complicated. We were so in love and have lot of commons. Saya syafiqah, dia syafiq. I never love a guy as much as I love him. Too many coincidence between us that makes us closer day by day. Awin, it might take forever to describe all those sweet little things, it might take forever.

Until 29/08 this year, when he made an announcement that he's getting married by the end of Sept. Only Allah knows my feeling that time, I had a terrible breakdown. I lost my mom five months ago and I'm going to lose a man that I truly love on the same year. It was the greatest challenge that Allah gave. At that time I couldn't think straight, so I curse him, and he says sorry. Honestly I already knew that he's going to get married on Sept but I'm being a denial by hoping that he would cancel his wedding. Gadis menyedihkan macam saya ni mungkin hanya boleh menumpang kasih saja.

Awin, haven't I told you that we work under same workplace? His workstation is beside me, and at that time all that I want to do is to quit 24 hrs. I'm not strong enough to face him. You can't move on if you meet him everyday. You can't move on if you have to see how happy he is with his new life while you, spending your night crying.

He knew that I'll feel sad about his wedding. He told me that everything is so complicated. We work under one department, awin. He made the announcment during our weekly meeting and I'm not in the meeting room at that time. He purposely made that announcement when I'm not around. Tapi mungkin Allah memang nak tunjuk and nak bagi saya sedar that I can't live in denial anymore, the moment he says "jemputlah datang wedding saya" I enter the room to take my book, and saya dengar semuanya. Only Allah knows how I feel that time.

We haven't talked since that day. He says sorry, but the sorry won't change anything. It wont change things that have happened. I took a long leave before his big day. He left his wedding card on my table. I don't know where he get the idea of inviting me. Doesn't he know that it will make things go worse. I don't think I have the guts to see him and his wife bersanding.

Awin, haven't I told you that our house near with each other? Even if I quit my job, I don't think I can completely move on. Every place that I go, it will remind me of him. See, too many coincidence between us. And even boss put us under same project, sigh. Susah nak let go and move on, awin.

Three weeks before his wedding, I bought your book. I read your book twice within two days. Its something inside your book that makes me wake up. I read about your struggle in life, I read about your boyfriend left you, but somehow Allah replace him with someone that you never expect to be your husband. At that time I started to realize on the existence of hikmah. Awin, your book has inspired me in so many ways. And I change my mind right after I read your book. I went to his wedding. Crazy, I know. I shook hand with his wife and I even took photo with the bride and the groom. Surprisingly not a single tear was shed since the night dia nikah. Those strength that I got, its from your book, Awin. I don't know you but somehow I can feel you. Allah's plan always the best. Thank you awin for sharing your story. It is such an inspiration. Gdsjht yg dulunya rebel, yg setiap ayatnya penuh agoni, who would have thought that it can be an inspiration untuk gadis yang tidak diadili di luar sana. Thank you, awin. I think thank you is not enought but yeah, you have inspired me. Thank you very much, awin :)

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Parti Kita Suka

20 pre-order melalui RabakLit telah dititipkan sekali dengan satu penanda buku dan surat cinta (buatan sendiri) yang tak seberapa seperti yang dijanjikan. Okaylah kan, benda free kot. Antara soalan-soalan yang sering ditanya dan sekarang aku jawab secara umum.

Boleh beli direct tak?

Jawapannya, macamni. Aku tak buat COD (cash on delivery) kerana aku tak boleh commit. Rabaklit sebagai publisher dan movement yang buat segala kerja dari A to Z boleh membantu untuk COD dan penghantaran secara pos. Cuma email sahaja rabaklit@gmail.com dan buku akan sampai dipeti surat anda. 

Dekat mana boleh beli selain pos?

Buku baru keluar minggu ini. RabakLit akan ambil masa untuk buat sesi penghantaran ke toko-toko buku indie seperti Khizanat dan LejenPress secepat mungkin. Dalam masa terdekat, Insyallah, 7 Tahun 7 Hari boleh didapati di MPH, Borders, Kinokuniya dan lain lain yang sewaktu dengannya. Selain tu, 7 Tahun 7 Hari boleh didapati di mana mana sahaja kumpulan RabakLit ini buka booth. JB Writers & Readers Festival adalah event yang paling dekat setakat ini.

Ada official launching tak?

Insyallah, mengikut jadual RabakLit, Melankolia Bisu dan 7 Tahun 7 Hari akan adakan official launching di Kinokuniya KLCC pada 27 September 2014, Sabtu. Dengan rasa rendah diri, aku jemput sesiapa yang sudi hadir datang. Mungkin aku akan keras disitu, tapi tak apalah, kita cuba dulu.


Semenjak dua menjak aku memang kena terjebak dengan self-promoting. Kira paksa-rela lah. Tengok cara kerja Rabaklit yang bersungguh-sungguh buat kerja buat aku percaya siapa lagi nak angkat diri kalau bukan kita sendiri. Hidup ni senang je kalau orang kasih sesama sendiri dan tak dengki mendengki. Aku harap aku tak gila glamor dan apa yang aku buat hanyalah cari makan macam orang lain juga. Dan aku tak mengharap pun novel aku jadi drama ganti Rindu Awak 200% (please lah babi betul siapa nganjing aku macamni)

Berbalik pada tujuan utama aku nak kongsi. Itu sahaja.

Mungkin sekarang aku survive hidup macam sekarang dan tak perlu lagi pandang belakang disebabkan doa-doa stranger yang tak putus-putus. It's okay, I will start small. Siapa tak nak kaya hidup senang ye dak? Tapi aku rasa tak bermakna bila pengisiannya tak ada. Dan aku terbaca this one random post berbunyi, kalau Tuhan angkat kita jadi sesuatu (somebody) lebih baik naikkan taraf memberi dari naikkan taraf hidup. So tak perlulah aku bagi tahu satu dunia kalau betul pun aku bersedekah. Tak perlulah aku heboh satu alam bila aku kongsi hasil usaha aku. Kalau tangan kanan memberi pun tangan kiri tak perlu tahu, kenapa perlu hashtag bagai setiap perkara baik yang kita buat kan? 

Aku pernah suarakan hasrat nak buat event sendiri. Aku came out dengan 6 months proposal, satu parti (gathering) yang mengumpulkan apa saja yang aku suka. Of course, the purpose is business tapi objektif aku lebih pada mengumpulkan orang-orang yang aku jarang ada masa dan beri peluang pada orang macamana aku pernah diberi peluang. Sekali orang sindir aku, "Kalau kau nak buat event macamtu, asyik nak sedekah kat orang je lebih baik kau sedekah kat Gaza". Aku sentap. Dia menyedarkan aku tak ramai sebenarnya yang fikir apa yang aku fikir.

Jadi ya, sesiapa yang ada waktu lapang, bolehlah datang ke event pertama, PARTI KITA SUKA yang aku organize sendiri. Nampak macam event untuk perempuan, tapi tak, semua dijemput hadir untuk memeriahkan majlis. Mungkin kalini Beauty Party, lepasni Music party pulak siapa tahu? Kalau nak beli 7 tahun 7 hari, boleh beli direct 6 September ini!



Poster designed by yours truly

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

GDSJHT X RBKLT

7 Tahun 7 Hari adalah sebuah buku baru sempena 'Buku Tak Mati' keluaran Rabak-lit. Ia adalah buku yang asalnya dari cakap-cakap kosong, ejek-bahan-nganjing orang sekeliling. Dan kalau kenal aku, aku tak reti nak jadi deep shit macam pemuisi lain. I just write what runs in my head. Dalam 7 Tahun 7 hari,  pembaca yang kenal aku sebagai dewi rebel sebelum ini, akan nampak bezanya kepada aku yang lebih dewasa, matang dari sebelumnya. Masih rebel lah kot, tapi rebel ada caranya.

Aku bukanlah penulis fiction. Aku tak reti berangan dan berfantasi sambil menulis. 7 Tahun 7 hari aku kongsikan orang-orang yang bermakna aku jumpa sepanjang jangka masa 7 tahun itu. It is not a plain dumb love story. Aku kongsi bagaimana aku jumpa aku, bagaimana aku berhenti bertuhankan manusia. 

A favorite teacher, Mr. Razlan once said, "I'm so proud watching you blossom over the years-" The word blossom stuck in my head since the day he left. A 'fanatic fan' said "I love watching you blossom. You're my daisy love" He took my picture, multiplied the flowers with my face. He added, "I see flowers in you" sambil nyanyi lagu Jayzuan Indie Rock Darling setiap malam sepanjang editing. Fiza Razali, a loyal stranger said "I like the one with the flowers. Because I've seen you grow throughout the years"


The black & white version is more to gdsjht yang dewasa. Sequel kepada the black & white version of Tentang. Versi hitam lebih nampak bold dan solid, represents the blog itself and the other side of Diana Nuzuin. If you know it, I think I don't have to explain any further. 

Kali ini, aku akan bekerjasama dengan team Rabak-lit, di mana alkisahnya aku berhutang janji dengan tuan empunya Rabak-lit setelah bertahun. Jadi sekarang, nantikan saja pengumuman Rabak-lit tentang final cover dan tarikh release. Aku suka bekerja dengan orang yang pentingkan keberkatan dan jujur. Dan Rabak-lit adalah publisher pilihan aku.

SEPTEMBER, 2014


Photo by the husband, Amir Azfar
Design and layout by yours truly

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

'Behind The Scene'

Here is another moment video, behind the scene by our own Ryan Gosling, Meel Lao.



Lama tak menulis. Tangan jadi kekok, keyboard jadi berhabuk. Mungkin nanti mana tahu keluar buku lagi? Nantikan GDSJHT X RBKLT, September 2014. Maaf Zahir Batin.